Now That I'm Still Here A Memoir of Ruin and Resurrection

Now That I'm Still Here is a memoir carved from ruin-a fractured descent through love, loss, collapse, and the long crawl back to breath. When Christopher Carazas was diagnosed with autism in adulthood, he finally had a name for the mask he had worn his entire life. But the relief of understanding himself was quickly eclipsed by the unraveling of the life he had built. His marriage-once a refuge-turned into a place of erasure and emotional abuse. His mother-in-law called him defective. His wife echoed those words. The people who once vowed to love him became the loudest voices telling him to leave, to disappear. Two suicide attempts followed. Survival was not a triumph but a haunting-a knife still in his hand, a dog at his feet, a breath he wasn't sure he wanted to take. In the silence that followed, Christopher began the slow work of staying alive. Told in sacred fragments and searing truth, Now That I'm Still Here is both a deeply personal autism memoir and an unflinching account of trauma recovery.