Fernwood 2 NightSeason 11977 · 65 episodesEpisodes1Talk to a JewBarth talks about his unusual day-to-day contract. Howard Palmer, a man in an iron lung, plays the piano. ""Talk to a Jew"" -- Morton Rose answers audience questions. (""When is Barbra Streisand's next movie coming out?"")2Leisure Suits Cause CancerBarth thanks the viewers for their support that got him renewed for another episode. Rocket to Stardom: Baby Irene sings ""I Didn't Know the Gun Was Loaded"". Barth talks to her about gun control. Happy talks about his nostrils. From Fernwood Commmunity College: Doctor Richard Osgood has proof that leisure suits cause cancer. (You see, they dress up the mice in tiny leisure suits... No, really!) Bury the Hatchet: Iris and Joseph Case want their son, a Catholic priest, to come back to them. Howard Palmer plays, while Baby Irene dances.3The WonderblenderBarth introduces his dad. The body language of April McTear -- contortionist. Lou Moffatt plugs Blendermatic, the Wonderblender. The owner of the Butterfly Deli, Susan Cloud (""...the body _requires_ burgers""). Barth's father Garth Sr. and his idiot dog perform,4Corporal Punishment IHula hoopist Darius Washington. South Vietnamese gardener Mein Ko Thein (?) plugs his book: ""Yankee Doodle Gook"". The Other Side of the News:High School Principal Marshall O. Petty discusses corporal punishment by demonstrating it on Debbie Dunbar. Lastly, Garth Sr. and his dumb dog.5Corporal Punishment IIBarth talks with Debbie Dunbar's mother. Since ""last weeks"" on-air spanking, Debbie has gotten several lucrative modeling jobs. Russ Tuttle, the Fernwood coroner talks about cut rate funeral alternatives; Mrs. Dunbar appears with both of her daughters, shamelessly plugging the phone number for her ""talent agency"". Jerry rambles on about families. Barth sings ""Feelings"" while Debbie does cheerleader stuff. Once again, Garth and Louie.6Fernwood Fascinating FemalesVernon Taylor (AKA ""Uncle Sam, Jr"") reads one of his poems, Candy Lee Hargrove talks about the Fernwood Fascinating Females League.7Hearing Ear Dogs for the DeafPet control center director Connie Bushman on Hearing Ear Dogs for the Deaf. Also: dancer Lisa Martin; Garth Gimble, Sr. and his dog.8Congressman Chambers9No-frills HospitalsAmbassador-at-large Harold Mislap talks about his efforts to bring tourism to Fernwood, Dr. Richard Osgood presents his no-frills hospital plan.10Ethnic MythsDaredevil Virgil Simms; Emanuel Kasinski on his latest findings on ethnic myths and prejudice.11Lillian DunbarGrandmother Lillian Dunbar and presidential namesake James Earl Carter.12Uncle Sam, Jr (I)Candy discusses gynacology and the need for female gynacologists. Bart plays the guitar while Happy and Vernon accompany him.13Tony Rolletti and Susan Cloud14Breeding AthletesBarth challenges Jimmy Carter to come on the show and compete with him to prove just who is a star. Lou Moffet offers tips on home music ripoffs and the presents the American Guitar Studios home study course offered by Gimblco Enterprises. Happy & band member Tommy Maranucci sit and chat.15Animal SexualityProfessional football consultant Emanual Kasinski on the breeding of large men.16Garth Gimble Memorial Tennis ClassicThis episode is tentatively scheduled for air on TV LAND July 20th at midnight. Original production number: 127 Barth promotes the planned Garth Gimbel Memorial Tennis Classic. W.D. ""Bud"" Prize (Kenneth Mars) returns, and bows to public demands that he reveal the secret of his chinadonture treatment. In a rebuttal to Dr. Van Moot (aka Dr. Osgood), Phil Maltby (Morgan Upton) of Phil's Fashion Funwear and Medical Research Lab explains that leisure suits, far from causing cancer, actually can help cure disease. ""Bud"" Prize is so stimulated by this revelation that he falls asleep.17Dating Service for DogsConnie Bushman talks about her dating service for dogs. Radio personality Terry Guy plugs his disc jockey correspondence course.18Lou Moffatt on Land DealsLou Moffatt on land deals; Bassist Eddie Thomerson. Sylvia Miller also appears and discusses how a martian violated her with a beam of blue light.19Uncle Sam Jr. IIVernon Taylor, better known as Uncle Sam, Jr. is back and as passionate as ever.20Comedy Sales TechniquesInsurance salesman Elliott J. Tubbs demonstrates his comedy sales techniques. Happy Kyne on shut-ins.21Tom WaitsTom Waits. ""Bud"" Prize on using CB radio to bring in tourists.22Dumbness measuring machineA dumbness measuring machine is demonstrated. Actually, more like a dumbness alarm. Say a dumb thing, and the alarm goes off. Like every time that Jerry opens his mouth.23no infoHappy Kyne shares the latest gizmo developed by the Olfactory Center of Toledo; the nose aid.24Singers and salesmenMario Dorsett on his success as a singer; Tony Rolletti; Mrs. Walter Donker, whose husband sells cars.25Criminal JusticeGilbert Ulysses Nelson discusses the treatment of criminals.26Still a DreamLocal opera singer Donny Lee Savage; Dr. Hugh Slocum on his latest scientific discovery; Amateur photographer Marianne Cox.27Fernwood Blood DriveSinging duo Doug and Diana Mitchell; Fernwood blood drive chairman Larry Guy.28Ratings WeekSinger Laurie Gallagher performs, accompanied by her mother on drums. Also: Bud Prize and Sylvia Miller.29Barbershop TrioDoctor Alexander Beach discusses his findings on marijuana. How the Humdinger Barbershop Quartet became a trio.30Two Ladies Against PornographyNettie and Barbara Forman on the elderly.31Church of the Devine LemonadeThe founder of the Church of the Devine Lemonade, Billy Jenkins. George and Sally Krepps discuss the La Fromage method of childbirth.32Roger BellmanMarin Worth reads one of his poems. Also: Susan Cloud and chauffeur Earl Simmons.33The Fitness TwinsFernwood mayor Merle Jeeter honors champion Girl scout cookie seller Wendy Price. Also: contortionist Mike Timmins and Mary Lou Bridgewater.34You Are YouAlberta Cornwall on how colored clothing affects moods; poet Vernon Taylor.35The BarberHair stylist Sal Magglione and Presidential namesake James Earl Carter.36X-Rated Shopping MallSportscaster Jane Tiffany and W. D. ""Bud"" Prize.37Tony Rolletti's autobiographyTony Rolletti plugs his autobiography. The Mirth-Makers perform ""Rock Around the Clock"".38Getting the most from your warrantyVirgil Simms tells how to get the most out of your new-car waranty. Basically, you make sure that it goes into the shop just before that waranty expires.39NudistsLinda Barry, owner of the Fernwood Nudist Colony. Toy maker George Ellsworth.40WrestlingJane Tiffany; Sylvia Miller; Wrestler Rock Mondo and his assisstant.41Tony and Chance Rolletti42Solving Water ShortagesRepresentative Chambers on solving water shortages with icebergs. Lucy and Ed Campbell show how they display affection.43Sex TherapyVern Taylor; Sex therapy clinic founder Matthew Johnson; Happy sings about tooth decay.44Real Estate TipsComic Buddy Brown; Author Dottie Ann Lee; Eddie Thomerson's real estate tips.45Skateboard AngelLarry Guy takes questions from the audience; The Mirth-Makers play ""Skateboard Angel"".46Mobile Home DaredevilLas Vegas entertainer Debbie Dunbar; Mobile home daredevil Virgil Simms.47Rev. Chung Hee48Pot SniffingImpressionist Reggie Morrison; Principal Marshall Petty; Susan Cloud.49Pet Mating ServiceConnie Bushman on her computer pet mating service; Sherry McCormick performs "" I Like Dreamin'""; The Birchfield, Ohio mayor tells how he spent 90 days in jail.50Harrison Edwards' MoonHistorian Harrison Edwards. Also: Tony Rolletti and Jane Tiffany.51Behind HollywoodAuthor Duane Goff plugs his book, ""Behind Hollywood"". The Mirth-makers perform ""Fifteen and Free"".52Etiquette GuidelinesBarth starts the show with a slide show of his travels around Hollywood. Guests for this episode are etiquette authority Meg Endicott and her new book, Etiquette Guidelines for the Future and U.S. Defense Department representative, Col. Morris Chandler, announcing the newly formed War Deprogramming Center, a facility that helps war veterans ease back into the civilian life by first returning them to the war.53Aunt EdityThe show starts off on a somber note when Barth announces that the recently hired sportscaster, Jane Tiffany, was injured and is now in a coma, her prognosis uncertain. They proceed to hold an impromptu tribute to her which was quickly thrown together without hardly any thought or preparation and it shows. The first guest claimed to be Barth's Aunt Edith but is in fact Barth's former "patron" from Miami. This much older woman has tracked him down for the promised "services to be rendered" once she "put mirrors on every ceiling." The next guest claimed to be an accomplished dancer who defected from the Soviet Union but it becomes obvious that Serge Nabokov was kicked out because, as his mother put it, "you stink.54no infoBarth says a prayer on the show before introducing former daredevil now auto mechanics instructor Virgil Simms. He talks about being an auto-mechanics instructor at the Fernwood Community College. Also appearing is Elliot J Tubbs, the newly appointed National Liquor Lobby representative furthering the alcohol industry's cause. Barth ends the show with a song about truckers and fruit.55no infoThe show begins with Barth and Jerry reacting to some comments made by Tom Snyder. With the band's strike over, things return to normal. Tonight's guests include Edward Bailey, a hamburger bun juggler from the Bun-N-Run, Dr. Harlen Washburn, who describes his vision of integrated education and returning guest Baby Irene performing Animal Crackers.56Theological Correspondence CourseFather George Reese plugs his theological correspondence course, and accordianist Frankie ""Kid"" Carbone.57Singles Mingles Club58Lattimore Diet ProgramSix-year-old trombonist Kevin McCormick. Mrs. Lillian Lattimore describes her diet program.59Battery Powered CarVirgil Simms introduces his battery powered car. Emanual Kasinski on Gay Liberation.60Harry ShearerHarry Shearer discusses his work in TV news.61Amusement and Healing ParksBob and Joanne Herlick recite Shakespeare. Nelson Phipps of the Amusement and Healing Parks.62Indian PrincessOn the show tonight: Indian princess Shosen Rising Star and psychologist Stanley Turnbull.63Fan Club PresidentBarth Gimble fan club president Mercedes Blyweiss presents an award to Barth.64The RansomHappy Kyne talks about where songwriters get their inspiration. Happy and the Mirth-Makers sing ""Ice Cream Baby"". Barth interviews three heavily-disguised criminals. Barth explains to Jerry how cartoons work. Bud Prize talks about the ransom note. Somebody has his chow-chow! Barth gets a singing telegram -- actually a summons from Miami.65Save "Fernwood 2Night" TelethonBarth and Jerry stage a telethon to save the show. Final episode of the series. Continues the next summer as ""America 2Night"".
