Season 1

2002 · 13 episodes

Episodes

1House HuntingAnna goes house hunting; attends Guess? 20th Anniversary Party * * * Anna goes house hunting with her entourage. She really likes house #2, but the rent is too high and she hasn't received her money yet. Anna then gets emotional over the house and claims that it reminds her of Howard (that'd be her former husband J. Howard Marshall). She attends a Guess? 20th anniversary party where she is photographed and a fuss is made over her. Afterward, she confesses that she loves her paparazzi. The next morning they talk to other brokers in an attempt to find a house. After a short search they find what Anna calls her dream house.
2The Introduction of Bobby TrendyAnna brings her husband's ashes home; and buys trashy lingerie. * * * Anna and the gang bring what furniture she has into the new house. They hire a decorator, Bobby Trendy, to decorate the empty house. Kim and Anna go shopping and on the way they play a game where you punch each other when you see a ""bug"" (the car). They get into an argument and start calling each other names. They go to Trashy Lingerie to buy, of course, lingerie. When they return home everyone watches Anna's interview on Larry King Live. In the beginning of the episode, Anna says to make her house a home, she needs to bring her late husband's ashes in. Howard explains that Anna, in court, was given half of her husbands ashes. Anna becomes emotional upon moving his ashes from the old house to the new one. Anna takes J. Howard Marshall's ashes on a tour of the house, which ended with him getting his own spot, on the television, in Anna's bedroom.
3The Eating ContestAnna & company have an eating contest; Anna and Kim go to a tattoo parlor. * * * Anna, Kim, Howard, and Daniel have an eating contest at an Italian restaurant, Mazzarino's. Howard makes the rule that if you throw up during the meal, you're disqualified. Kim is the first to give up. Anna starts says that she's hot. She then says she needs to go to the bathroom. Howard immediately assumes Anna is going in there to throw up, so Daniel and Howard go to the bathroom door to listen. Anna becomes angry at Howard and tells him to get out of her life if he doesn't trust her. She says that he's calling her a liar (apparently not a good thing to do, as Kim learned while playing ""punch bug"" in episode 2). To get away from Howard, Anna and Kim go to the tattoo parlor. Anna gets flowers added to her tattoo, Kim gets Anna's signature added to her Anna Nicole Smith tattoo on her left arm. Kim decides, after some coaxing, to get her tongue pierced. While Anna and Kim are at the tattoo parlor, Bobby Tre
4The DentistAnna goes to the dentist; then, to a theme park. * * * Anna tells us that she only started going to the dentist in her twenties. On the way to the dentist's office she shares stories of how she ""got off"" as a child. She goes on to tell us that last time she was at the dentist she had a panic attack and ran off. The dentist, Dr. Nick Luizzi, tells us she needs up to twenty crowns. Anna's friend, Kelly, plays Twister with Anna and then Kelly models her teeth for Anna's dentist. Bobby Trendy delivers more furniture to Anna's house. Bobby and Anna share some of their ideas for Anna's bedroom: leopard designs on the wall, stripes of white against a pink wall, etc. etc. Anna forces Kim to go to Magic Mountain. Kim is very upset to have been made to go to the theme park. They go on a water ride and end up completely soaken (Anna wearing white pants and a white shirt). Duh! Anna forces Kim to ride Goliath, the biggest roller coaster at the park. Then, again convinced by Anna, Kim rides with An
5Las Vegas Pt. 1Anna and company go to Sin City: Vegas, baby! * * * Anna says one thing she learned as a stripper is: one man plus two beers equals twenty dollars. She says her life is very stressful, as her teeth, PMS, Bobby Trendy, and even Sugar Pie have been causing her problems. She was feeling so stressed she decides to go, with her entourage, to Sin City: Vegas! They stay in a huge suite. Anna gets her nails and hair done. Then she goes to a male strip club. Anna gets called up onto the stage. Afterwards, she meets the male dancers. Anna says the only thing, other than men, she likes is money. So they do some gambling. Anna keeps losing all her chips, so Kim gives her some of hers. They decide to take what money they have left and spend it on the Strip. Anna and company go riding a golf cart through the Strip, then go to a female strip club. Anna buys Kim and Howard a lap dance. Anna, of course, also gets a lap dance. (more of the Sin City trip in Episode #6)
6Las Vegas Pt. 2The gang continue their vacation in Vegas; then head home. * * * The lap dances continue from last episode. Howard gives Anna a ""dance."" They sober up with the bill comes. After all the action, Anna decides she's hungry. So they all go out to a buffet dinner. The next day Anna is ready to go home, but fits in a little shopping before leaving. Anna & company discuss the time they spent in Vegas. Howard says he won't get married until Anna's case is settled -- and may never get married. Can we have a collective sigh from all the women out there? Anna wants to lose weight so she hires a man from Private Chefs, Inc. named Christian Paier. He brings four chefs (Oliver, Michael, Marcel, and Alexander) for a ""chef trial."" Anna prefers Alexander, who just happens to be a body double for Arnold Schwarzenegger. Bobby Trendy delivers some more furniture for Anna's bedroom. Bobby says that he and Howard seem to be ""at odds."" Howard tries to protect Anna from being cheated by Bobby.
7Pet PsychiatristAnna hosts an all-girl charity event at her home; then Sugar Pie gets analyzed by a pet psychic. * * * Anna brings over her friend and designer Frankie to help get things in order. Bobby Trendy refuses to bring Anna's stuff until Howard calms down and stops judging his items. Anna calls him and asks him to put his differences with Howard aside and bring her items to her house. Anna hosts an ""all girl"" event for a charity that involves foster children, America Works for Kids. Howard makes a speech to the girls (because Anna doesn't like to get in front of people and talk) that's message was basically ""follow your dreams,"" and he used Anna's life as an example. Anna consults a pet psychic for Sugar Pie. The psychic says she has never seen the kind of anxiety that Sugar Pie suffers when away from Anna. The psychic's advice: Sugar Pie needs a boyfriend. Frankie stands up for Anna against Bobby Trendy delivering furniture that is not up to Anna's wants and desires.
8Cousin ShellyAnna's cousin comes to visit; then, Anna does a couple of interviews. * * * Anna's cousin, Michelle Cloud, comes for a visit (with an unauthorized documentary camera crew). Anna doesn't want any part of the documentary, so she turns them away. Anna agrees to see Michelle when the documentary camera crew is out of the picture. Anna does an interview for a local radio show where the deejay calls her fat and asks if she's on drugs. Anna announces she's had enough of the abuse, and she's leaving. Anna then appears on the Tonight Show and is interviewed by host Jay Leno.
9The Driving TestAnna attempts to get her driver's license. * * * Anna is determined to get her driver's license. So she starts to study for the exam. Kim, giving Anna time to study for her driving exam, goes, with Frankie, to get her tattoo of Anna worked on. Bobby Trendy comes by with some pillows that - again - weren't the right ones. Bobby, being in a good mood, says he's just there to make Anna happy, because she's his client. Bobby, determined to be in a good mood, takes down Frankie's order for what Anna wants. Anna goes to take a driving lesson. Her driving instructor, Simon, does most of the driving for her. Anna says the experience driving around with Simon was frustrating. Simon says she has problems with the brake. Anna goes to take the exam. Howard takes one also to make the test a competition and a little more fun. In the end, Anna fails the test.
10NYC Publicity TourAnna goes on a promotional tour to New York. * * * Anna and her entourage (Sugar Pie, too) go to New York for a promotional tour. Daniel stays behind because of school. After a long flight, Anna and company arrive in New York and check in at their hotel. The next morning Anna has to get up extremely early to do Live with Regis and Kelly. They're running late and their limo driver seems to be having ahard time doing his job. On the way to Fox News, her publicist adds more appearances to the schedule. After the appearances, Anna and company go back to their hotel to change, then they do some shopping. Anna's producer tries to talk Anna into appearing on Howard Stern's radio/TV show. Anna doesn't want to because of the way Howard talked about her late husband. Anna changes her mind and appears on Howard Stern's program. They don't let Kim in. One of the Howard Stern crew, Benjy, takes up for Anna during the show and Anna invites him back to her hotel room where they make out and joke arou
11PaintballAnna and company play paintball; Anna appears on Hollywood Squares. * * * Anna and company play paintball. Kim and Anna are on one team, and Howard, Frankie and Daniel are on the other. Anna gets shot and ends up with green paint in her hair. After the game they go to the theater and see ""Puppetry of the Penis."" After the show, they (surprise!) go shopping. The next morning Anna reads a letter from Bobby Trendy to Howard K. Stern. Bobby claims Howard has harrassed him. Bobby, in the letter, mentions a restraining order. Anna goes to make her first appearance on Hollywood Squares. Before the show she meets the center square, Ellen DeGeneres. While Anna is on Hollywood Squares, Bobby Trendy drops off some pillows. Howard dresses up as Bobby Trendy and mocks him. It's Saturday night and Anna wants to have fun, so they go to an Anna Nicole look-alike show. Bobby Trendy is also invited. Backstage, they run into Bobby. Bobby claims to have been trying to bury the hatchet, but that Howard was
12Halloween PartyAnna ends her association with Bobby Trendy; the gang celebrates Kim's birthday. * * * Anna has had enough of Bobby Trendy and wants everything that reminds her of him gone. So they tear apart the pink bed he delivered. They slash and rip it apart. Bobby says he was appalled by the destruction and says he thought Anna had more class than that. Anna, tired of people who ask her why she doesn't go on dates, goes to the Millionaire Club, where they set up beautiful women with millionaires. Anna says Kim is more than her assistant, she is her friend. Anna says Kim takes care of everything Anna and Daniel need. They have their fights, but they always make up. Kim's birthday is coming up and Anna wants to buy Kim a car. Anna and Howard go to a car dealership in Santa Monica to pick out a car. They decide to buy her a black ""Bug"". Anna and Howard hurry back to get on their costumes (Kim's party is on, or near, Halloween). Howard is Dracula, Anna is ""Draculess,"" Kim is a nun, and Frankie is th
13The DateAnna goes on a date she got from the Millionaire Club. * * * Anna goes on a date with Claude Dauman, a millionaire. She met him through the Millionaire Club, a company that sets up millionaires with dates. The beginning of the episode chronicles Anna and Claude preparing for the date. Claude arrives, giving Anna roses, and even bringing Sugar Pie a special dog treat. And then they're off! Claude takes Anna to a fancy restaurant where they chat about Anna's dream of being a ballerina as well as other subjects. After the restaurant, they go to a place to ride a mechanical bull. After they eat again, and give the bull a try, Anna decides it's time to go home. In the limo ride on the way home, Anna lays her head in Claude's lap. Anna kisses Claude as he leaves. Afterward, both Anna and Claude confess that they had a good time.